NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You made out with two different species that night
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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