she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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