Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just pynch a tree in the face
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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