I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
