i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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