remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
