I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
