My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
where am i from again
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
