Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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