So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
