I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
