wanna go halves on a baby?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
