I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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