I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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