i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
