I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
