At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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