I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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