Your face is a jimmy john
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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