Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
