is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
