He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
