Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
