I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
