Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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