I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
