my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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