dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
