i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
