Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something

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(805): View more from California

My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward

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(785): View more from Kansas

It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.

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(319): View more from Iowa

I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)

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(630): View more from Illinois

I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.

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(708): View more from Illinois

omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars

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