i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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