We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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