If i come over, it means nothing
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
