The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
