can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
