hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
