Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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