Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
