Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
