Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize