tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
