hotel room ftw
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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