Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
