He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
