what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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