I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
