How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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