Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
