I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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