Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize