Christians are straight up FREAKS
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
