I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize