it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
