dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
