Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
