Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
