If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
