Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
