oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
