My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
