I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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