im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
