Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
