How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
