Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
