you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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