i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
